July 1, 2023

Shedding the weight of self-doubt

The first week of my 6 week Summer Shred Challenge is in the books!

Let me back up, I work for Hybrid and we’re running a six week consistency challenge. As we designed the challenge, we thought it would be best if the Hybrid employees participated in the challenge too. You know, practice what we preach!

My personality wants to be quiet about weight loss and doesn’t want to share. However, I bump into people often that love reading what I write and find it encouraging. I am taking a courageous step out on a limb here.  I am going to tell you how the first day of my challenge started. I’ll give you a hint – it wasn’t pretty!

I had a big meltdown! It was Monday morning with all the regular Monday morning stresses, responsibilities, to-do’s PLUS I didn’t know what I needed to do for the challenge, didn’t know what I should have for breakfast, didn’t know what to write down, didn’t know if I could do this.

I’ve begrudgingly logged my food before, pissed off finding varying ingredient numbers for the same product listed within the same fitness app. What’s the point of tracking if you don’t really know?

My negative thoughts kicked in. I thought I don’t want to disappoint my team, my co-workers. I don’t want to be the token fat kid on the team. I’ve got 4th of July and restaurants and ice cream out and vacation coming up.  I cannot possibly weigh every single thing I eat for the next six weeks.

I was freaking out. I wanted to do it perfectly. I was over thinking it. I was falling for all the diet hype that this is harder being a woman, being near menopause, are hormones playing a role?

I don’t have fitness or nutrition degrees but I have learned a ton working with Coach Hunter and the coaches as they work with our members. I feel like I have literally heard every reason in the book and I can probably even tell you the coaches response to it. That wasn’t helping! I felt like I couldn’t complain to anybody on my team because I know they’ve heard it all before! I couldn’t complain to my husband because he wonders why I’m doing this challenge anyway. I couldn’t complain to my best friends because they have each lost 100+ lbs. Oh man, this is frustrating!

Let me back up again. I truly believe that we can change. The older I get, the more of a growth mindset I live by. I enjoy reading self-help books every morning. I’m the geek that, even though I’m excited to read it all & get through it, I slow down and do every recommended exercise before reading on. I read the book that feels appropriate at the moment. If I start it and it’s a struggle, I drop it and start another one that flows better with where I currently am with my life.

Monday morning, I started pulling in some tools that I’ve learned from my fantastic coaches and the books I’ve read.

In regards to doing it perfectly, from Coach Beth, Imperfect Action – that’s how I start. Who cares if I screw something up! What does that even mean anyway?

From my current reading ‘Claim Your Purpose’, I am humble in many ways in my life. But, when I honestly thought about humility in regards to weight loss, I thought I was special. I thought I’ve tried this all before, it didn’t work, why am I doing this again? What if I get to the end and it hasn’t worked? I can tell you what the coaches will tell you to do but it won’t work for me. ummmm, that’s not humble – there’s something I can work on.

This challenge offers everyone tools and coaching, so I’ll use it! As I progress along, I’ll ask questions, I’ll participate! I can do this!

Then I chatted with Coach Dusty for our regular Monday meeting and had my meltdown. Weight loss is so much more than the physical number on the scale. He didn’t ask me but I had been working through why did I put on the weight in the first place? There were things in my past where food or eating or weighing more helped with my survival because I didn’t have other tools or resources to help me at the time.

Coach Dusty did point out that eating and food is part of my identity. Cooking or going out for delicious meals together is part of my relationship with my husband and friends. All of our friends & people that don’t even know us personally, know about our delicious homemade ice cream. We share restaurant recommendations with so many friends. I am possibly taking a step away from that identity which is a scary thing to do. Will my tribe still support me if I say no to ice cream when my foodie friends are having it?

Mondays are meetings day and my next meeting was with Coach Hunter. I’m his assistant so we talk about whatever we need to at the time to keep things running smoothly, so naturally I told him about my meltdown. I’ve known Hunter for 7 years and he knows me pretty well. His recommendation was that this is something that is scary and uncomfortable to me and THAT is my challenge. It’s not how many pounds I lose and % body fat, my challenge is focusing on the inputs, the to-do’s and letting the outcome be as it may. BINGO, that aligns with my growth mindset! That aligns with my purpose of helping and encouraging others on their health journey because if I do this, I can now assist and empathize even more with others. That is something I CAN control.

I took it all in – what I’ve been doing on my own, what I’ve learned from the coaches, and I started writing down what I ate. I started my previous habit of walking BEFORE work again. Coach Dusty reminded me to front load the hardest stuff as early as possible. I work from home but I now have a one mile walk to work! I go 1/2 mile out (or about 15 mins) and then circle back to home first thing in the morning.

I have a calorie, protein, and fiber goal set out for me at the beginning of the challenge. I’m really leaning in, trusting the process, and doing what I’m told to do. After all, I have literally seen hundreds of people follow the coaches’ recommendations and see amazing progress, while I stay doing the same things and stay exactly where I am.

Since this is a summary of the first week, you are probably wondering how it went. The week went great. For me, I found actually writing in a book is making much more sense than tracking on an app. Before I didn’t actually see the numbers/calculations. Now I’m doing them myself so I am understanding them better.

For the challenge, I am tracking how many days I hit my calorie, fiber, and protein goals. Monday through Friday, I hit my calorie goal 3 out of 5 days, fiber 0 out of 5, and protein 1 out of 5.

The perfectionist in me thinks this sounds horrible but you know what? I’ve learned a lot already really leaning in and doing this. I finally figured out how to track that makes sense for me for now. I can guarantee I wouldn’t have met my calorie or protain goal if I wasn’t tracking it.

Even though I’m not hitting my goals yet, I’m learning why when I’m not. My protein has increased everyday, which was a struggle for me in the past. My fiber has come close to my goal so I’ll get there.

I love being back to walking every day again. We live in such a beautiful location! I’m slowly shedding that perfectionist in me.

These things take time but I did do an inbody just to see what slight changes may have occurred in 7 days since my starting inbody measurements. I am down 2.1 lbs and .9% body fat after week 1!

I don’t know if that will continue and don’t expect it to at that exact rate. This isn’t a linear process. But I do know that I am not hungry or hangry like I’ve been before when I’ve tried this.

I had bread, butter, and peanut butter yesterday for a snack!

I had delicious homemade mac & cheese for breakfast two mornings because that’s what I wanted to spend my calories on!

And, I went with friends for ice cream and, for the first time ever, declined. It took a lot of social courage (is that a thing?) but I did it and didn’t feel deprived at all because I had just eaten a delicious 10oz steak dinner with mashed potatoes and vegetables and I was not at all hungry. I still socialized and enjoyed time with my friends and I’ve survived to tell about it!  lol

Hopefully something here rings a bell and helps you in some small way.  I don’t know how this challenge will turn out, but I am leaning in and trusting the process and putting all of my focus on what I can do right now.

I’m learning that the only way I can fail at this is if I give up, which isn’t happening!